The Day I Wasted 2 Hours Watching This Film.

The original plan was to see The Reader but since it's only showing in 2 theaters in ALL of Manhattan, it was sold out and since I was already at the theaters and too lazy to walk back home I decided to see the movie with the next closest time which happened to be The Day the Earth Stood Still. I might or might not have been better off walking home.

I haven't seen the 1951 original, but I've heard really great things. Unfortunately, TDTESS version 2008 is nothing worth talking about. Alien Klaatu (Keanu Reeves) and his indestructible alien robot Gort come to Earth (to protect it from being destroyed by us humans) where Klaatu meets and befriends Dr. Helen Benson (Jennifer Connelly) and her stepson (Jaden Smith).

To its credit, the special effects and graphics in this film were amazing, which is pretty much what drew me to the film in the first place. Watching trucks, buildings and even Giant Stadium get ripped apart was way more fun than I thought it was going to be.

Unfortunately the dialogue was completely lame. Which is kind of what I expected given that they couldn't even find 10 seconds of decent dialogue in the film to put into the trailer. "If the Earth dies, you die...if you die, the Earth survives." Um right. The film was like the battle of the cliches. Who can say the most generic, sappy lines in 2 hours?! Also, Klaatu is supposed to be the humanity of Benson and her kid is what supposedly changes his mind about destroying the planet at the end, but I didn't see progression of that occurring at all. I'm still puzzled as to exactly what profound activities Benson and her kid did to save Earth. It was just suddenly..."oh I get it now. You humans are cool." And I'm left having no idea how that even happened.

I suppose this was the perfect role for Keanu Reeves who has pretty much played the expressionless drone in every role since Bill and Ted. Nothing I can really say about Jennifer Connelly either since her part pretty much just consisted of a lot of frightened running around and giving us the wide-eyed "wtf is going on??" eyes every 30 seconds or so. Always great eye candy though. Jaden Smith was adorable but so so annoying. I blame movies like this for stunting my maternal extincts (and also the fact that I'm not yet 22). Children who play huge brats in movies make me just not want to have kids ever.

Ultimately, I think this movie might have been awesome if it was just shrunk down to 30 mins of the craziest visual effect moments and scored to some great music minus all dialogue. Though what I just described pretty much just sounds like a long music video. Oh well.

dubya flubya.

Sooo this post is coming a week late, but I've been busy (and by busy I mean waking up after noon, catching up on tv shows and eating all the time). Anyway, I may or may not get yelled at for saying this, but Oliver Stone is getting senile. For all the controversy generated by his recent choice of film topics, his films are becoming relatively...soft. tame. dull (for lack of better words). I look back on classics like Wall Street, Born of the Fourth of July and (my favorite) Natural Born Killers, and I can't believe it's the same director who did Alexander, World Trade Center and now...W. Then again, I haven't seen JFK or Nixon so I don't know how Stone has tackled presidents in the past. Therefore, it's quite possible I have no idea what I'm talking about. Feel free to read on anyway.

This is the first time a film has been made about a president still in office and it has some people's panties all in a twist (and by some people I mean conservatives of course) since it doesn't depict the president in a particularly good light. I have no idea what the problem is though cause it doesn't seem like Stone depicts W. in a particularly bad light either. The film focuses primarily on the events surrounding the Iraq War with flashbacks piecing together Bush Jr.'s younger years from the boozing and the partying to the Laura wooing days and his first foray into politics.

So I'm not gonna lie, but I thought the film was going to end like 5 scenes before it actually did and maybe...it should have. I couldn't tell what Stone was trying to do. When I first viewed the trailer and promotional material, I thought this was going to be a satirical, funny and overall negative look at W's presidency (and judging by the outroar from the right, I'd say I wasn't alone on this one). The brief funny moments in the film weren't so much a critique by Stone, but just a reenactment of actual events. There are a few funny and ridiculous moments, but they're things Pres Bush has actually said or done. No exaggeration or satire here.

Like I said before, conservatives/Republicans/McCain camp really don't have to worry about this film at all impacting the election. Stone managed to do something I never thought possible (especially from someone who works out of a neighborhood as liberal as Hollywood) and that is make me sympathize for poor Bush Jr. He comes off like a boy desperately seeking his father's approval, doing what he believes to be best for the country, but being manipulated by his cabinet into making mistakes. His only flaw is that he's too dumb and goofy to realize what is actually happening and how to make it work. Yes, I know there are plenty of people out there who believe this is really the case, but I personally hate to believe that the people of this country managed to elect someone so sad and pathetic and naive into the most powerful position of authority in this country. I have to believe he is a little more calculating. A little more manipulative. And generally more aware of the consequences of his actions than he was made out to be. But who knows. Maybe Stone got it right.

While I did appreciate the palpable tension Stone created between Bush Jr. and Sr., nothing else about this film resonated with me. Not even the acting chops of Josh Brolin and James Cromwell could save it for me. Brolin did show an uncanny resemblance to Bush Jr. in speech, mannerisms and overall demeanor, but so does Will Farrell on SNL so who knows what that means (since Will Farrell generally annoys the shit out of me in any film). Props to Thandie Newton for maintaining a pinched facial expression throughout the entire film in an attempt to pass for Condie (that could not have been easy). But Elizabeth Banks as Laura Bush?? Um...what? Words cannot describe how this did not work so I'm going to have to rely on pictures for this one. I mean they made Bush grey and wrinkly, couldn't they do the same to Liz? Maybe they were relying on the eye candy for viewers. Who knows.


Anyway, for all the hype surrounding this one, I was expecting more. This film was a definite letdown. Then again, the same might be said for the presidency it was based on.

"Fistful of Assholes."

So I'm sitting here in class eating Halloween shaped gummies for dinner and counting down the minutes til I can go home and stuff my face with some real food, and I figure the best way to make this class go by faster is to not pay attention in it. That's where the blogging comes in.

Mostly because the bff is one of those hipster types who takes a certain pride in listening to music that no one else has actually heard of, I find myself knowing more about the indie music scene than I ever thought possible. Unfortunately, not nearly enough to appreciate Nick and Norah's Infinite Playlist. Simply put: the music is good, the movie is not.

For anyone who hasn't seen the trailer (which means you probably don't watch tv given that it runs every 30 seconds), Michael Cera and Kat Dennings play titular characters Nick and Norah in a quest to locate the band Where's Fluffy's latest show as well as Norah's lost drunk friend Caroline (Ari Graynor) in Manhattan. Nick is the only straight member of a band, The Jerkoffs, and is pining for his ex-gf who recently broke up with him. Norah has an on-and-off again ex-bf and a famous daddy (but the details are kept real hush-hush til the end for some reason). They're musical soulmates of course and what follows goes something like...boy gets girl. boy loses girl. boy gets girl back. yay. (and by yay I mean yawn.)

There's a strange pride that comes with seeing your hometown in a film. Of course when your current hometown happens to be downtown Manhattan, this tends to happen a quite a bit. But there is still something satisfying about seeing so many of the hangouts I frequent being used in the film (it's like my life...if I actually had one). Unfortunately, nothing else about this film really satisfied me at all.

First off, I'm pretty sure a snail race could've moved faster than this movie. Long awkward conversations (I think it was flirting but who knows) in Nick's car made me physically uncomfortable and the semi-climactic scene when Nick and Norah finally get together almost put me to sleep (though I was jolted awake by an unexpected onscreen activity...let's just say it involves fingers). It might just be me, but cutesy romantic comedies bore me - especially when the leads are somewhat pathetic. I know we're supposed to be rooting for male and female leads in romantic comedies to get together but it's so inevitable that I generally just save myself the trouble.

The actors were business as usual which wasn't always a bad thing but not anything worth talking about. Kat Dennings as the rebellious teen? Check. Michael Cera as George Michael? Check. I assume Dennings will outgrow this role eventually...people do get older right? And it's her character that utters the classy quote that is the title to this post. (Don't ask me the relevance...I don't know. I just like it.) Apparently many believe she's got big things ahead of her. I'd have to agree. Two big things. Right in front of her (see photo). Seriously kids, when did they get so big??!! Ok moving on. Cera really plays no other character but George Michael no matter what movie he's in. (No complaints here...I want GM to be my bffl as well.) His bumbling awkwardness and gentle sarcasm DID provide some of the film's more amusing moments. Hm...I suppose the one exception would have to be Ari Graynor. Her portrayal of the drunk mess was so spot-on, she must have been drinking on set. Though how she manages to remain that messed up for the entire night without refueling is a mystery I've been trying to solve for the past few years.

Overall, I was over it before it was over. I guess if you're looking for a makeout movie (you know the kind that gives you the warm fuzzies but doesn't require much attention to get the gist of what's going on), then Nick and Norah just might do the trick. Otherwise, I'd just stick with the soundtrack.

Two for the Price of None.

Random note: The real date of this post should be 9.14.08 as that is when I actually saw these movies and wrote about them. Didn't have a blog then though so it's going up now.

So being a broke college student, I pulled the two for the price of one movie deal. And by deal...I mean I paid for one film and snuck into another after. (Yes, I might have a little too much free time on my hands.) Well at least I'm not the only one that reaps the benefits of my deceitful ways...you lucky nonexistent readers now get two reviews for the price of well...none. Thrilled I'm sure.

Fargo, The Big Lebowski and No Country for Old Men are tough acts to follow. The Coen brothers' newest comedic farce doesn't quite make the grade, but is still far from disappointment. Dark. Hilarious. Surprising. Highly entertaining. Burn After Reading is made in typical Coens fashion though lacks the impact of the previous films (nothing beats 'the dude'). The story involves two (witless might be too strong here) rather "slow" gym trainers, Chad and Linda (Brad Pitt and Frances McDormand), who stumble upon "classified" gov't secrets and attempt to blackmail the CIA agent (John Malkovich) who owns it. Needless to say, they get in way over their heads and chaos ensues. Sounds like your basic action/espionage flick right? Wrong. What follows is a convoluted mess of mishandling and misunderstandings that even the CIA can't sort out. What exactly is resolved at the end of the film? Not sure exactly. The Coen brothers seem to be making something out of essentially...nothing. Yet, you can't help but be sucked in. Just when you think the film is getting a little slow...you're hit with something totally unexpected that makes you jump in your seat...in shock? In horror? In disgust? Who knows...who cares...it works.

What can't be denied are the characters in this film. Brad Pitt gives one of his most entertaining lighthearted performances since well...ever (anyone else notice this guy usually does his best work playing something dark and twisty?) playing the lovably clueless Chad. Frances McDormand is brilliant as Linda, Chad's self-absorbed image obsessed partner in crime. Even J.K. Simmons steals a few scenes as the CIA superior who is just as baffled as the audience as to what exactly is going on as events unfold. And of course 'Burn' would not be nearly as successful without John Malkovich's angry outbursts and the oversexed womanizing ways of George Clooney's random federal marshal character Harry Pfarrer.

So what did we learn at the end of this film? Perhaps nothing. Perhaps that Burn After Reading is still worth a trip to the theaters. And if nothing else...to always double-check the "security of your shit."

Moving on. What am I glad to have not paid for? Diane English's (um...yea I'm at a complete loss as to what else she did. Anyone?) The Women. As much as I enjoy doing and discussing womanly things, I couldn't help but be bored throughout 75% of this film.

You have your generic women characters...the single high-powered career woman sacrificing everything including a friendship to get ahead (Annette Bening), the messy unkempt stay-at-home mom who has way too many kids and is pregnant again (Debra Messing), the lesbian...'nuff said (Jada Pinkett Smith), and the angelic wife who is being cheated on and needs all the support of her friends (Meg Ryan). Sooo basically the story goes like this...husband having an affair with some hot young thing (Eva Mendes)...women rally around wronged wife for support. Friend betrays friend. Drama. Tears. Wife comes back stronger/better than before and discovers herself in the process. Everyone makes up in the end. Oops...did I give too much away? Or is that not the exact predictable plot of almost every chick flick? Then again, this is a remake of a 1939 film of the same name. I think we might be running low on original ideas people. Just sayin'.

It is ironic that a theme of the film seems to be the over emphasis society places on women to look and be perfect when all the actresses in the film look like they've gone under the knife more than a few times. Meg Ryan and Annette Bening (who I love and adore but come on...) don't even look real anymore. At least we got a cameo by a very realistic looking Carrie Fisher. Barely recognizable actually. We've definitely come a long way since the gold-bikini wearing Princess Leia days.
VS.

And English was NOT kidding around with the title. Absolutely NO men appear in this film. Even all the extras on set were women. I'm down with the girl power and all but I'm not gonna lie...some male eye candy might have kept me a little more captivated.

Ok so not to be a total Debbie Downer, I have to admit there were a few brief moments when I found myself smiling. Mostly when Debra Messing's character is giving birth...(I know it doesn't sound it, but that part was actually funny) and when Mrs. Will Smith was getting all lesbian (or was that just...awkward chuckling?). And to be fair...'Burn' might have been a tough act to follow.

So yes, if you're looking for some quality bonding time with the girlfriends that doesn't involve talking to each other...or just have some time to kill and happened to already be in the theater having just watched a different movie...then by all means...I say go for it. Otherwise...you might or might not have some better things to do with your life.