Lighten up James.

So I'm aware that the point of reviewing a film is to do so before everyone on the planet watches it, but I didn't get a chance to see Quantum of Solace opening weekend as I had hoped so maybe some of you haven't watched it yet either (yes, i'm talking to all you Twilight-ers), and this post will still be relevant.

Hm so...I have to give the highly-anticipated 22nd Bond film an A for action but a D for missing the mark on what makes the 007 franchise so great. As in...a D for major disappointment. Then again, this tends to happen when I go into films with high expectations.

To start with the positive, this movie was definitely an hour and 40 mins (shortest Bond film to date btw) of pure adrenaline rush. Bond managed to do battle while operating every kind of vehicle possible...cars, boats, planes with explosions occurring around him every 30 seconds or so. I barely had a moment to catch my breath between action sequences. The hand-to-hand combat scenes were some of the longest I've ever witnessed on film and for some reason involved a serious amount of throwing people into and through all things glass. But as exhilarating and sensational as the action and special effects were, they didn't leave much room for a plot. Or even dialogue for that matter. Which is fairly surprising coming from such a plot-driven director like Mark Forster (Monster's Ball, Finding Neverland, Stranger than Fiction) or a writer like Paul Haggis (Crash, Million Dollar Baby, Flags of Our Fathers and of course Casino Royale).

The first 007 film to start exactly where the previous film left off, James Bond is trying to find the organization responsible for the death of his love Vesper (Eva Green) and well...kill them all. His efforts lead him to ruthless businessman Dominic Greene (Mathieu Amalric), a major player in this mysterious organization, whose villainous activity consists of trying to gain control of an entire country's water supply. Needless to say, it's up to Bond to stop him, but instead of the usual capture and questioning...Bond pretty much just kills everyone. And at the end of the film we still know virtually nothing about this organization other than the fact that they're called 'Quantum'. I found this to be a bit irritating. Then again...maybe I just have to wait til the next installment to get the big picture.

I don't care what anyone says though, Daniel Craig is one sexy man. A little leaner this time around but still looking pretty damn hot. While I adored Daniel Craig's hard-ass, rough-around-the-edges but still playful Bond in Casino Royale, I think they took the character a little too far to the dark place for this film. The suave and smooth Bond who never loses his cool, who delivers witty one-liners and double entendres and generally radiates confidence and control was totally buried by this angst-ridden, deadly serious, grim Bond out for vengeance. (I mean one of my favorite scenes from Casino Royale was the banter between Bond and Vesper when they first meet on the train, but there was none of that this time around.) Call me cheesy but as a diehard James Bond fan, I needed just a little more of the elements that were quintessential Bond to elevate this film beyond just another action flick.

So there were no catchphrases, shaken martinis or cool gadgets, but at least the Bond girl remained true to form. Olga Kurylenko was born to play a Bond girl. Although 007 unconventionally never nails her (sorry guys), she was just walking talking pure sex. Not sure what else there is to say beyond that since we all know no one really cares about her acting abilities. Judi Dench was business as usual as M, and Mathieu Amalric made an ok villain I suppose though I found his fight scene with Bond to be mildly awkward for some reason. Maybe it's the mismatch in sizes (Amalric is little!). A quirky cute Gemma Arterton provided a little playfulness to the film but her bit was over before it even began.

Overall, I expected something a bit smarter, a bit more stylish but all I got was just an endless chain of explosions. Instead of creating a Bond film that could stand in its own right, Forster's Quantum of Solace merely felt like an extension of Casino Royale. The film felt like a stepping stone, something that sets up Bond for potential future greatness but has fallen short in achieving anything on its own. Somehow, this Bond film has managed to end up as just another action flick with nothing to offer to the franchise.

Next time around, it might be helpful to be reminded just once that our hero is...Bond, James Bond.

"Fistful of Assholes."

So I'm sitting here in class eating Halloween shaped gummies for dinner and counting down the minutes til I can go home and stuff my face with some real food, and I figure the best way to make this class go by faster is to not pay attention in it. That's where the blogging comes in.

Mostly because the bff is one of those hipster types who takes a certain pride in listening to music that no one else has actually heard of, I find myself knowing more about the indie music scene than I ever thought possible. Unfortunately, not nearly enough to appreciate Nick and Norah's Infinite Playlist. Simply put: the music is good, the movie is not.

For anyone who hasn't seen the trailer (which means you probably don't watch tv given that it runs every 30 seconds), Michael Cera and Kat Dennings play titular characters Nick and Norah in a quest to locate the band Where's Fluffy's latest show as well as Norah's lost drunk friend Caroline (Ari Graynor) in Manhattan. Nick is the only straight member of a band, The Jerkoffs, and is pining for his ex-gf who recently broke up with him. Norah has an on-and-off again ex-bf and a famous daddy (but the details are kept real hush-hush til the end for some reason). They're musical soulmates of course and what follows goes something like...boy gets girl. boy loses girl. boy gets girl back. yay. (and by yay I mean yawn.)

There's a strange pride that comes with seeing your hometown in a film. Of course when your current hometown happens to be downtown Manhattan, this tends to happen a quite a bit. But there is still something satisfying about seeing so many of the hangouts I frequent being used in the film (it's like my life...if I actually had one). Unfortunately, nothing else about this film really satisfied me at all.

First off, I'm pretty sure a snail race could've moved faster than this movie. Long awkward conversations (I think it was flirting but who knows) in Nick's car made me physically uncomfortable and the semi-climactic scene when Nick and Norah finally get together almost put me to sleep (though I was jolted awake by an unexpected onscreen activity...let's just say it involves fingers). It might just be me, but cutesy romantic comedies bore me - especially when the leads are somewhat pathetic. I know we're supposed to be rooting for male and female leads in romantic comedies to get together but it's so inevitable that I generally just save myself the trouble.

The actors were business as usual which wasn't always a bad thing but not anything worth talking about. Kat Dennings as the rebellious teen? Check. Michael Cera as George Michael? Check. I assume Dennings will outgrow this role eventually...people do get older right? And it's her character that utters the classy quote that is the title to this post. (Don't ask me the relevance...I don't know. I just like it.) Apparently many believe she's got big things ahead of her. I'd have to agree. Two big things. Right in front of her (see photo). Seriously kids, when did they get so big??!! Ok moving on. Cera really plays no other character but George Michael no matter what movie he's in. (No complaints here...I want GM to be my bffl as well.) His bumbling awkwardness and gentle sarcasm DID provide some of the film's more amusing moments. Hm...I suppose the one exception would have to be Ari Graynor. Her portrayal of the drunk mess was so spot-on, she must have been drinking on set. Though how she manages to remain that messed up for the entire night without refueling is a mystery I've been trying to solve for the past few years.

Overall, I was over it before it was over. I guess if you're looking for a makeout movie (you know the kind that gives you the warm fuzzies but doesn't require much attention to get the gist of what's going on), then Nick and Norah just might do the trick. Otherwise, I'd just stick with the soundtrack.

If you want to live you will...read.

Ok maybe not but I thought it was clever. No? Ok.

So I'm just going to throw this out there...I did not originally have any intentions to see this film. But then I became intrigued and really wanted to know the ending and surprised that no one had leaked it before the film came out. Anddd...this weekend consisted of too little sleep and a little too much booze so I figured I needed something that doesn't require too much concentration. Needless to say...that is what I got. (I also want to point out that my bff had been absolutely adamant against -alliteration!- the viewing of this movie but was eventually swayed to the dark side. A decision that I am sure he regrets now.)

So apparently director DJ Caruso (Taking Lives, Disturbia) has this thing for Hitchcock so supposedly Disturbia is to Rear Window as Eagle Eye is to North by Northwest. Um...aside from similar "being chased by planes" sequences, I failed to see the connection between the latter two films. Then again, I am not a film student so someone feel free to educate me please. What I did see was more along the lines of Michael Bay than Hitchcock, especially in entertainment value.

Essentially, the story is about how human dependence on technology is going to destroy the world (sound familiar?). Shia LaBeouf is protagonist Jerry Shaw (the name is repeated throughout the movie so often that I'm pretty sure it has been permanently seared into my brain) and Michelle Monaghan plays Rachel Holloman. They are two strangers thrown together by a mysterious woman contacting, monitoring and controlling them via the phone or any other random everyday technological device we humans are entirely dependant on. Hunted by all sorts of gov't people, they have to figure out what exactly is going on if they want to live.

So as stated above, the main reason I wanted to watch this movie was to know WHO IS THE WOMAN ON THE PHONE?! Needless to say...I did find out and it did not blow my mind. I won't ruin it for everyone else so if you're really desperate to know...watch the movie. Or go read some other blog (themoviespoiler.com is a good one). Or just ask me in person if you happen to know who I am. I can tell you that the mysterious lady is voiced by actress Julianne Moore. Yep...now you're going to listen real closely aren't you?

Anyway, the first hour of the film definitely made my adrenaline sky rocket. Huge scenes of flipping cars, endless explosions, car chases, running, screaming. Stuff that really gets you going...I think I might have been panting from the exertion of following everything that was going on. The bff literally had his hand over his mouth the entire time. But then it just descended into all kinds of madness...albeit predictable chaos (if such a thing exists). The movie was pretty absurd to begin with, but then it just becomes too ridiculous. Too over the top. And altogether too predictable.

I will shamelessly admit that I like Shia LaBeouf in a 'I want him to be my new bff' kind of way because c'mon...he's witty and a pretty decent actor and seems pretty cool to boot as long as we don't let him do any driving (sorry, had to do it). But all that aside, he is entirely unconvincing as an adult action hero. I know this is supposedly his transition from boy to man, but I think it might be a little too early. Watching Even Steven jump and fight and tackle grown men was just not believable...and trust me, I tried. Transformers worked because Shia was essentially a boy playing with toys (really big toys that had the potential to destroy the world but still...toys). And the Transformers did all the heavy lifting (and are just really cool - who can't wait for the second one?!). So...sorry Shia (and all you other boys out there) but sporting facial hair and a blazer does not automatically make you a man. As for Michelle Monaghan? One word: overused. This woman keeps popping up in all kinds of movies and has yet to impress me with a single performance. Plus she seems a bit too old for our little Shia. No real chemistry there.

Overall, I can't complain too much since it was pretty much what I expected - mindless entertainment with no lasting effects or value. Then again, the bff said a cell phone rang while he was in the john after the movie and he had to chuckle to himself. If anything, I might think twice now before answering a call from an unknown number...or not.